Backlog Post #1: Bullies

I have been too embarrassed to mention this, but due to a certain Lack of Self-Discipline, my Internet use is has been restricted for some time now.

In my defense: it's not just my Internet use; it's the hookup for our whole house. Sometime last spring, RW, fed up with both of us staying up on the net every night till our eyes glazed over, had the brilliant idea of putting our Internet router on a timer. The kind people use to turn their lights on and off automatically when they're on vacation, or if they're Orthodox Jews and don't want to manually operate lights on Shabbat.

So now our connection goes down at 10:30 every night, and I've been getting a reasonable amount of sleep and have been much saner and less grumpy in the mornings. And afternoons.

The problem is that sometimes inspiration strikes after lights-out, and I'm compelled to record the latest cute thing that Mermaid Girl said, or my deathless thoughts on the true meaning of life, but am unable to immediately share my brilliance with the online universe.

When this happens, my only recourse is to write it in a Word document, fully intending to post it up on Blogger the next evening. By which time whatever I wrote doesn't seem nearly as amazing as it did at midnight the night before, and sometimes even faintly embarrassing, and so I have this backlog of blog posts that have never seen the light of day.

Here's one, from last week:

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MG will sometimes talk about school at bedtime, after lights-out. It’s a simple transaction, really: she wants our presence, we want information. She feeds us kindergarten stories, we stay. A straightforward Scheherezadian business proposition.

Here’s how it went tonight:

MG: Ginger’s not at the bottom of the bottom.

Me: What?

MG: The bottom of the bottom. I have a list of people I like and a list of people I don’t like.

Me: Well, I guess it’s good Ginger’s not at the bottom of the bottom, since you guys spend so much time together these days -[on the bus; at after-school care; at Ginger’s house on Wednesdays because aftercare’s full that day. We owe Ginger’s mom big time. We’re having Ginger over for a sleepover next week.]…So, who is at the bottom of the bottom?

MG, firmly: Bullies! All bullies. I don’t like bullies.

Me: Oh! So…are there any bullies at your school?

MG, shrugging: Some. A few. Some big kids.

Me: Hmm. So, what happens if a kid bullies another kid?

MG: All the kids get together and yell at them, and say, “You bad bully! You’re going to the principal’s office!” And one kid goes to get a teacher.

Me: Oh! Have you ever seen that happen?

MG: Lots of times. I’ve been part of it, even!

Me: Huh. No kidding. So, what do you think happens in the principal’s office?

MG: They get a BIIIIIIIIG SCOLDING.

I seriously doubt that any of this has ever happened. She’s been at school for a total of three weeks, and they keep the kindergarteners pretty sheltered from the bigger kids. My guess is she got it all from RW’s and my anti-bullying lectures (“Don’t pick on people, and if you see someone bullying another kid, get together with a bunch of kids and stand up to them…”). It’s nice she imagines really doing it. Like she’s a superhero in her mind.

When she said "biiiiig scolding" she made this wild mugging face, like a child sitcom star.