Home again! And still gay!
It's made me think, though: how much of a queer blog is this, really? I mean, aside from the fact that I'm gay, my partner's gay, and our kid has gay parents (and who knows, maybe the cat's gay too). Mostly I don't write directly about GLBT Issues. I certainly spend much less time thinking about the fact that I'm a lesbian than I did at, say, twenty. Partly, it's just less interesting-- hey, I'm still queer! Aside from protesting about discrimination, it doesn't feel like I have that much to say about it after twenty years or so. I couldn't even think of anyone to come out to this year on National Coming Out Day: my co-workers? They know. The parents at my school? They know, too, and so do lots of the kids. Family? All got invites to our commitment ceremony years ago. My dentist? Yup.
RW and I noticed soon after Mermaid Girl's birth that having a child makes us both more and less visible as lesbians. It's less possible to just elide over the issue: the three of us together are definitely a family, and people have to deal with it, and we have to deal with them dealing with it. On the other hand, either one of us out alone with the Girl is usually assumed to be her mom, and therefore straight, with a husband who's presumably home doing yard work or something. Even me, with the short hair, sensible shoes, and that distinctive dykey lack of fashion sense.
Having a baby brought us into the Great Tribe of Parenthood: I now have way more in common on a day-to-day level with the average Christian Republican mother of a four-year-old than with, say, the average nightclubbing young lesbian without kids. I can easily imagine plonking myself down with that hypothetical mom and having an animated hour-long conversation about sassiness, picky eating, Blue's C1ues, and Gr0ovy Girls dolls, but I haven't been to anything like a club in years. (Whether we'd be friends in the long term is a different question.)
We didn't have a kid as a bid for acceptance, but it's turned out that being parents has made us more acceptable to many people who disapprove of homosexuality in theory, including some of our relatives. Partly, it just gives them something else to do with us: they don't have to get all uncomfortable around us, to try to avoid or work around the subject. ("So, elswhere, how are you and your, uh, er, um, friend?") They can just talk about the kid ("So, elswhere, Mermaid Girl will be in kindergarten next year?"). It makes us seem (gasp!) normal. Now, it's true, queers without kids should seem normal too--but maybe we're the thin edge of the wedge, the infiltrators, you know? If we're so normal and wholesome and, honestly, boring, what does that mean about all those anonymous others with their Gay Agenda? Could it possibly be that they're not so evil either?
So, I guess this is always a queer blog, even when I don't write about it, the same way that I'm always a lesbian, even when my main preoccupation is whether I'm going to be able to get Mermaid Girl's hair brushed without a major screaming incident.
Just in case you clicked over from the BoBs looking for specifically GLBT content on this blog, though, you can find it here and here and here and here. And here. And definitely here. And sort of here.
Enjoy, and happy 2005!