Thursday, September 23, 2004

The Ultimate Excuse Note

Dear God:

Please excuse elswhere from the traditional obligation of mailing holiday cards, sending out those photos from last summer that are still sitting on the sideboard, and making peace with everyone she's wronged by the customary deadline of sunset at the end of Yom Kippur [Saturday evening this year, in case You don't have Your calendar handy].

She will be working until mid-afternoon on Friday, then cooking and attending Kol Nidre services Friday night, where she will be praising Your name in the traditional manner. She will be unable to complete any of these obligations during Yom Kippur itself [which is her usual time to catch up on some things even though strictly speaking she's not supposed to, because usually she has the day off and her daughter's in childcare], because this year Yom Kippur is on a Saturday, and not only will Sarah not be in childcare, but Sarah's other parent will be unable to provide support and backup as she will be in Vancouver from Saturday midday through Sunday afternoon at her oldest friend's 20th anniversary party.

Additionally, elswhere's mother is flying in for a visit starting at 2:30 PM on Sunday, which necessitates that at least some cleaning be accomplished by then. It is unclear when or how this is going to happen, as housecleaning and fasting are a generally undesirable combination, especially when the faster is also caring single-handedly for a small child.

And please don't assume that elswhere will be able to get some cleaning done on Sunday morning, because that's Sarah's first day of Hebrew school, which means that elswhere will spend the hours from 8:30-10 getting Sarah fed and dressed so that they can get there by the starting time of 10:30. It takes about half an hour to get to the synagogue and half an hour to get back, so it seems pointless to rush back home when she'd just have to turn around again in less than an hour to pick Sarah up by the end of class at 12:30. Don't You think?

While it's true that elswhere really should have been working on fulfilling her obligations in the past few weeks, rather than waiting for the last minute, she's been very busy working and sleeping and folding laundry.

Let's just leave her lifelong habit of procrastination out of this.

If You would be so kind as to grant elswhere an extension, say, until mid-October, she will make every effort to fulfil the above obligations by that time.

I appreciate Your consideration and flexibility, and hope that You will still consider inscribing elswhere in the Book of Life for the coming year.


elswhere's mother


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