Dog Poop: A Tragicomedy in Two Acts
Scene: Twinkie the van.
elswhere and Mermaid Girl have just driven from the Groovy Shul to the Fish & Chips place for lunch.
elswhere: I smell dog poop. Do you smell dog poop?
MG: *sniff sniff* No.
elswhere: *pulling into Fish & Chips parking lot* Argh, it is dog poop! It's on my shoe! Yuck! Igh!
elswhere pulls shoe off and cleans it with the aid of paper towels, Twinkie's running-water sink, and a wooden chopstick that happens to be handy, then stuffs towels and chopstick in the garbage.
MG: *helpfully* There's dog poop on the floor, too.
elswhere: Oh, no! Yick! Don't move! Stay in your seat! *scrubs van floor with water, dish soap, and paper towels, while MG watches from her booster seat in horrified fascination, occasionally making supportive comments like "I'm glad I didn't step in it!" and "Don't blame me! It's not my fault!"*
elswhere: Okay, it's all gone now. Let's go! Let's wash our hands!
Act II: Chez Booland, a couple of hours later. MG has been playing with her growing hoard of Pet Shops in her room. In the adjoining bedroom, elswhere is sitting on the edge of the Big Bed, surfing blogs.
MG, on her way to the living room: *pointing at elswhere's right knee* Mommy? There's dog poop on your jeans, too.
elswhere: *in deep denial about now-dry but unmistabably brown stuff on knee*: No, that? That's just dirt.
MG: No, I think it's dog poop.
elswhere: Oh my God, you're right! I must have knelt in it while I was cleaning it up before! Yick! Eew! (etc.)
elswhere, uttering further exclamations of disgust all the while, rips off jeans and tosses in laundry hamper, (which incidentally will be run in the next few hours,) making mental note to put in hot-water wash.
elswhere: Thanks for telling me. Blech.
MG: *in an uncanny imitation of the patronizing amazed tone we use with her when she does something vaguely impressive* I can't believe you got it all the way up to your knees!
elswhere: Um, well, I guess I just have a talent.
MG: Yeah. For dog poop!