Saturday, February 26, 2005

How To Conquer a Blog Addiction

  1. Make sure all computers in your house are nonfunctional. [I know I should link to previous posts here, but I'm beat. You'll understand if you read on.]
  2. Bring home work computer for the weekend.
  3. Plug in wireless card.
  4. Surf blogs harmlessly for an hour or so.
  5. Take a cute little quiz. [No, I'm not linking to it. You'll understand why in a minute. But guess what, if I were an obsolete skill I'd be Latin!]
  6. Check Chez Miscarriage to read the 157 new comments on that great drive-by thread.
  7. Notice that there's a weird hyperlink on the word "work" on Grrl's latest post (as in, "We all work to maintain a supportive atmosphere around here.")
  8. Click on the word "work," only to be startled when a page full of job-search links suddenly appears. That doesn't seem like Grrl...
  9. Go back to your own blog. Notice weird hyperlinks on random words you wrote earlier, like "work" and "love."
  10. At the same time, notice several popup ads popping up all over the place.
  11. Also, there are some new icons down at the bottom of your screen.
  12. And some new icons have installed themselves on your desktop.
  13. And several of the pop-up ads are suggesting that you install them to get rid of unwanted pop-ups and spyware. Oy!
  14. Go to your Control Panel and laboriously uninstall everything you can identify as virusware.
  15. There's lots.
  16. Restart.
  17. Check your blog. Yay, weird hyperlinks are gone!
  18. But several annoying popups remain. And somehow the virus has reset your home page.
  19. Set your home page back to Google.
  20. Uninstall some more.
  21. Restart.
  22. Smack head against wall as 25 ads immediately pop up, freezing all operations to a halt.
  23. Shudder to think of how you will have to throw yourself on mercy of previously-maligned Tech Guy come Monday.
  24. Restart.
  25. Click "x" box madly on all popups, until you're down to just three that won't go away.
  26. Open a new Explorer window.
  27. Open Blogger.
  28. Post your woes.
  29. Determine that if there is a God, She does not want you going online.
  30. Turn off computer, throw away wireless card, swear off all Internet use forever.
  31. Or at least until Monday.


Blogger Udge said...

32. Buy a Mac.

33. All of that annoying crap disappears, instantly and forever.

4:08 AM  
Blogger Udge said...

I am "regularly metric verse". I can live with that.

4:14 AM  
Blogger WordsRock said...

Three words: windows system restore. You can choose a date in the past and everything will be restored to how it was then. It's like a time machine that works, as long as you wish to go in reverse.

It's saved our butts a couple times when we've experienced things like those happening to your machine.

Good luck,

5:42 AM  
Blogger Katie said...

Macs aren't the solution they used to be. Annoying spammers and popup-adders (accidental but surprisingly accurate description) are more and more targeting the latest Mac OS.

7:46 AM  
Blogger GraceD said...

Holy Moly, there was a Trojan Horse virus lurking on Chez M.? There's nothing sacred, I'm telling you.

I salute your family from my outpost to the south. I'm waving to the north - do you see me?

8:51 AM  
Blogger PPB said...

I know it's sad that this made me laugh. I second the mac suggestion. Not perfect, but it's worked for me.

3:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I find myself unable to resist plugging macs as well. And in safari you can just turn off pop-ups as a preference. It's like the cat/dog, waitress/temp, Laverne/Shirley thing. You're one or the other and you feel hopelessly compelled to try to convert everyone on the other pole.

dog/actually I would be a substitute teacher in a pinch/Lavernely yours,

5:10 PM  
Anonymous carol said...

This certainly makes a good point. I'd like to see the response of others on this topic. Makes interesting reading.
For More Details:

3:47 AM  

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