Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Renaissance Woman's Diet Alternatives

The East Beach Diet:
No sugar except ice cream; drink a glass of water every time you have a negative body image thought.

The North Beach Diet: No carbs unless they taste good.

The Northwest Beach Diet: Eat whatever you want; drink V-8 instead of orange juice; feel virtuous*.

The West Beach Diet: Aah, screw it**.

*This one is actually my contribution

**And this one, amazingly, must be credited to RW's mom, who in the past has been a zealous proponent of many diet fads, including
this notorious hoax.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jersey Beach Diet. Every time you have an urge to eat something fattening, toss that item out -- it has to be somewhere disgusting like the compost pit, so you don't retrieve it. Also known as the Frog and Toad Cookie Solution.

Kate again (yeah, it's non-directional, but have you been to a Jersey Beach?)

4:16 AM  
Blogger elswhere said...

Oh boy, have I been to Jersey beaches. Nope, you wouldn't want to eat anything once you'd dropped it there.

Actually, that sounds like it could be a *real* diet. You could write a book about it! No, wait, you already wrote a book or two. (on which, by the way, much congratulations and many happy returns ;-)

1:25 AM  
Blogger elswhere said...

No, wait, not returns! That's not what I meant! I've worked in bookstores and I know returns are bad, bad, bad. I meant sales! Many happy sales! And happy readers! And reviewers! And publishers who will buy more and more of your books! That's what I meant.


Going to go spit now for good luck to neutralize that for you.

1:30 AM  

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